Why I Started a Podcast About Living With an Ostomy Bag While Playing Pickleball

I sat down with Ella Cosma, a 15-year-old pro pickleball player who made history as the Junior PPA tour's first female Triple Crown winner. She had an ostomy as a kid. She got it reversed after 18 months.

I have one now. Mine might be permanent.

We talked for two hours about things people don't usually say out loud. Bag explosions. Prolapses. Sugar. Shame. Self-advocacy when you're 12 and confused. What it feels like when your small intestine decides to stick out further than it should while you're at school.

This is the first episode of Bag and Paddle. A show about competing, traveling, and living life as an athlete when your body doesn't always cooperate.

This is why it exists.

Something Happens When You Talk to Someone Who Gets It

The most valuable thing about the conversation with Ella was just being able to share lived experience.

She had never talked to anybody with an ostomy before. I could tell it meant something to her. It's an isolating thing to deal with. I can't imagine dealing with it in elementary school. She has her mom and parents helping her, but when you go to school and sit in class with other kids, you're dealing with it yourself.

For her, I think it was valuable to talk about what it's like to somebody who does live with it every day.

It's hard to put into words what it means to talk to somebody going through what you're going through.

Especially with Crohn's. Especially with an ostomy. It's an isolating existence. Even if you have somebody there with you, they're not dealing with it the way you're dealing with it. They're not dealing with the body changes, the insecurities, the mental load of managing it.

You might have people supporting you. Their role is huge. But something happens when you talk to somebody else who shares the experience of living with it.

When a leak happens. When she was jump roping and it plopped down in the middle of the classroom. When I had an explosion in the bathroom at a coffee shop.

You can tell that story to somebody and they'll think, "Man, that's hard."

But when you share it with somebody experiencing something similar, it's a connection you can't replicate no matter how much somebody else supports you.

You just feel less alone.

She Learned Self-Advocacy at 12. I Didn't Learn It Until 39.

Ella told me about spending hours in the ER with doctors who kept changing plans. Nurses told her "good job advocating for yourself" while she was crying and confused.

I thought it was so cool that she learned self-advocacy at such a young age.

I didn't realize you had to self-advocate when it came to your health. I thought you get sick, you go to the doctor, and they do everything in their power to make you better. I didn't realize you actually have to fight for them to take your stuff seriously or to look at it from different angles.

It's a little sad that you have to do that. That's why self-education is so important when you're dealing with health stuff. The more you understand your body, the more you understand what's going on, the better equipped you are to advocate for yourself.

Ella knew that at 12 years old.

I'm 40 and still figuring it out.

The Absurd Medical Realities Nobody Prepares You For

Ella told me about pouring sugar on a prolapsed stoma to get it back in. Sometimes for 45 minutes. Once for 6 hours.

Her mom would come to school asking teachers for sugar. They'd offer granola bars.

It just shows how unique this is. People aren't going to know how to manage your small intestine sticking out of your stomach further than it should be. Teachers are trying to help with the granola bar thing, but they don't know what to do.

I've never met somebody with an ostomy before I got mine at 39. I had lived my entire life without knowing anyone with one.

It's not incredibly common to have people with an ostomy in school with you or work with you. I think it's just a matter of education. The more we talk about this stuff, the more comfortable it gets.

I Judged People With Bags at an Ostomy Conference

I went to an ostomy conference and caught myself judging other people with bags at the pool.

There's a stigma around it. Even for myself. All it said to me was how insecure I am with myself still. How not okay I am with it.

Looking back, I admire these people. They're heroes. They didn't choose any of this. I didn't choose any of this.

The fact that even with an ostomy I can feel the way I felt is telling about how others without ostomies probably feel toward it. It shows how big of a battle we have to face in de-stigmatizing it when I, with a bag, had a stigma even after having a bag.

I feel really ashamed and really embarrassed that was my initial reaction.

That's hard for me to reconcile.

When Your Bag Explodes in a Coffee Shop Bathroom

I switched from two-piece to one-piece bags after two catastrophic failures.

One at home on the couch. One at a coffee shop where I was covered head to toe.

At the coffee shop, I was wearing a belt with a zipper where the connection is, not at the very bottom where you empty the bag. The failure was unzipping it at the top, across where the connection is. My bag was already full. I tried to lift my bag out of the pocket to empty it. When I did that, the two-piece connection came undone.

It went everywhere.

I went into complete panic. Trying to clean myself up. Trying to clean it off the floor. It was an absolute mess because my bag was completely full. It was liquidy, so it was everywhere. Really hard to clean.

Really embarrassing because I had to walk out of the bathroom into a public space and just hope nobody saw me.

It's a really weird feeling to be 40 years old and not feel like you have complete control over your bodily fluids and function.

It's really humbling.

Why Record These Conversations and Share Them

Talking to other people with ostomies who manage chronic illness and chronic pain makes me feel less alone. Less isolated.

I find the conversations truly therapeutic for me.

If I can record those conversations and share them with the world and share other people's stories that in my eyes are true heroes, why wouldn't I?

According to recent data, 19.8 million people played pickleball in the US in 2024. That's a 45.8% increase from 2023. It's the fourth consecutive year as America's fastest-growing sport.

But how many of those people are competing with an ostomy? With chronic illness? With bodies that don't always cooperate?

Professional athletes are thriving with ostomies. I returned to pro pickleball post-surgery. Olympic gold medalist Jearl Miles-Clark won more medals after her surgery. Collin Jarvis ran a sub-2:30 marathon with an ostomy.

But there's so much stigma around ostomies, especially in athletes. Not everyone sees examples of active adults thriving with an ostomy, let alone professional athletes.

I want to make somebody feel less alone. By doing that and sharing my story, I get the gift of feeling less alone myself.

Learning From Someone Whose Ostomy Chapter Is Closed

Ella's ostomy is reversed. Mine might be permanent.

I'm just happy for Ella. I'm happy she was able to get through the ostomy, get it reversed, and now be living an anatomically normal life again. Even though I know she still has struggles. She's still dealing with constipation and build-up.

But I hope her going through and living with an ostomy at such a young age shows her that she could do it again. She'd be better equipped to do it again.

For me, I'm okay with whatever gives people a better life.

Having a bag is going to give me a much better life than not having a bag based on my perianal fistulizing disease. The thought of going to the bathroom through my bottom is truly terrifying. Going through my bag with no pain? I will do that all day every day.

When I would go through my bottom, the pain would be so bad. I can't experience that again.

Why Share the Mortifying Moments

I've had some of the worst moments. Bag explosions. Public failures. Medical trauma.

It's a really isolating experience. I don't want to keep it to myself.

If it can help one person manage things a little bit better and deal with their own journey a little bit easier, that's why we're on this planet. To share our experiences in hopes that it can help somebody else deal with theirs a little bit easier.

I want to make somebody feel less alone.

By doing that and sharing my story, I get the gift of feeling less alone myself.

What This Show Is

Bag and Paddle is about competing, traveling, and living life as an athlete when your body doesn't always cooperate.

The name means a few things. Pickleball paddle. Travel bag. And for me, an ostomy bag.

This first episode with Ella went places I didn't expect. We talked about sports, chronic illness, stomas, reversals, doctors, hydration, embarrassment, resilience, and things people don't usually say out loud.

This is the full story of why this show exists.

Because isolation is heavy. Connection is lighter.

And sometimes you need to hear from someone who gets it.